A low-lying, grungy cloud of brown and grey sweeps the globe,
chaotic and sustaining.

The architects, divided, upped tools
and washed their hands.

Now it roams
and feeds,
or starves;
waxes and wanes;
shelters the feeble;
blocks the brave;
and obscures the light-bringers.

Its true danger is the shadow it casts on land and sea:
leaving all distant
and unseeable.

A bumbling unknowing causes other senses to heighten.
Those senses tire,
and misfire.

Soon, the landscape is resculpted;
maps don’t lead where they should;
the warmth felt, isn’t seen.

Detachment is the fight,
a war to come that needs winning.

But how?

Poem: cliche life

If it ain’t broke don’t fix it;
so go find someone who can tell you if it’s broke,
’cause it might need fixing.
Time heals all wounds
that can heal.

8 week vaccinations + crying + wow

My baby had their 8 week vaccinations recently, and their mum was AWOL, well that’s not true–she had pre-planned many months previously to be away–at a spa evening (banter points: Dad) and we knew beforehand that this meant one of two things: extra sleep, or extra tears.
The vaccinations in question? Here in the UK the NHS gives a real cocktail of wallop: the 6-in-1 diphtheria; tetanus; whooping cough (pertussis); polio; Haemophilus influenzae type b, another for pneumococcal (PCV), another for rotavirus, and finally meningitis B. I’m totally for vaccinations, after all these guys are scientists.

I was working from home (can’t complain) but started early in the day and worked through lunch to be around earlier, and fortunately didn’t have to witness the injections themselves–which apparently were heartbreaking.

Baby was OK to begin with, was behaving fairly normally, and then sometime in the late afternoon it all just kicked and they wouldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t put them past vertical unless they were leaning forwards on me.

But then something wonderful happened, it all just occurred to me that they weren’t just trying to get into a comfortable position, or needing winding, or needing nappy changing, it was that they wanted to feel safe and secure because they were feeling so mixed up inside. Wow, it sort of just hadn’t occurred to me that this was going to be one of my roles. I don’t know why, I guess it makes so much sense…. but I didn’t think of it. So having him utterly unwilling to be put down for six hours was a lesson for me that this little human trusts me, and wants to know things are OK in a time of crisis. Shit! What a thing…. this was definitely the first time I felt like more than just a nappy/milk/wind/sleep/stimulation servant, and instead like a … well … a parent.

Chi-chi Nwanoku “unconscious bias” quote

We all suffer from a little bit of unconscious bias, you know–and we’ve just got to accept that, not try and pretend that we don’t. We’re at the stage now where we need to just accept it and let’s look at how we can try and identify it and then work with it.

Chi-chi Nwanoku’s Desert Island Discs